101 Things Hermione Wishes to Never Happen
by FrozenTearDrops
Summary: Hermione writes in her diary (YES! She keeps a bloody diary! Deal with it!)a list of things she wishes never to happen. Character bashing so be warned! read and review!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer- What ever you recognize I obviously don't own. Everything you do not recognize is most likely mine!  
  
Dear diary,  
Hey it's me, Hermione. Duh who else would it be? Well to get on with my point I was thinking alot last night about things that I wish would never happen to me. Or at least me witnessing or hearing about it. They would either freak me out or cause me death by embressment. Well I came up with 101 things that fit under that catagory. So I think I'm going to tell you about it. Here it is:  
  
101 things I wish never to happen to me or witness.  
  
1) See Snape in his birthday suit.  
2) Watching Pansy prance in a mini skirt that is way to small.  
3) Bumping into McGonagall in a lingerie store...while trying on thongs.  
4) Seeing Voldermort do the macarana.  
5) Harry and Ron turn gay.  
6) Harry and Ron turn gay together. 7) Walking in on Harry and Ron making out while gay and dating. ( I just don't want them gay at all)  
8) Lavander and Parvati giving me a makeover. ( They may seem good at it but you weren't there when lavander burnt both of her eyebrows off)  
9) Falling for one of Fred and Georges pranks and ending up naked in front of the whole great hall.  
10) Taking a truth potion and revealing my biggest fear-----Turtles. ( Hey you weren't with me in Flordia when one almost bit off my hand! Don't judge)  
11) Getting caught making out with Draco Malfoy...Hypothetically speaking of course. wink, wink  
12) Getting caught doing more than making out with Draco Malfoy---Yet again hypothetically speaking.  
13) Watching Neville try to seduce a pumpkin. Funny site yes, but wrong.  
14) Running into a bathroom door. Who wants to do that?  
15) Running into Mr. Weasly when buying feminine products.  
16) Seeing Filch at a sperm donation center. That poor child!  
17) Seeing Neville in a bow tie and party hat. NOTHING ELSE! EWW gross I know but it's something I would never want to happen.  
18) Kiss Snape. No need to explain!  
19) Finding Ginny cross dressing. Who wants to find their best friend cross dressin?  
20) Finding Snape in a whipcream bikini watching Varsity Blues.  
21) Crabbe making out with Trawleney.  
22) Finding Trawleney at a strip club---stripping.  
23) Harry and Ron Giving me the talk.  
24) Not that I would ever get on a broom but: Falling off of my broom into the lake wearing a white t-shirt an no bra. Note- Slytherins all around!  
25) Picking a wedgie in a deserted corrider then Malfoy walks around the corner.  
26) Having my naked baby pictures float around the school.  
27) Watching Goyle do the tango with a plastic blow up doll in a hula skirt. COME ON! who wants to see that?  
28) Walking in on Snape singing ' Hit me baby one more time' by Britney Spears and wearing a school girl outfit and pig tails. That would be bloody hilarious but it would scar my mind.  
29) Ron being a hooker. Need I say more.  
30) Getting invited to a skinny dipping party and finding out Snape is the host who invited me. Can you imagine snape in a speedo? EWWW...Bad image. HELP! I've scared my mind with the image!  
31) Prank phone call some one and Dumbledore picks up the phone. I know Dumbledore doesn't have a phone but that would be sooo horrible. I might not make head girl!  
32) Patrolling the halls and find two kids snogging but they turn out not to be kids but Professor Sprout and Flich.  
33) Be blamed for the 'accidental' death of our favorite pug faced friend Pansy Parkinson. ( Luckily I know how to dispose of the evidence. They don't call me the smartest witch in Hogwarts for nothing)  
34) Walk in on Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris doing the deed. EWWW!  
35) Think I see Harry and Ron in Diagon Alley and go hug them. Then I realize there not Harry and Ron! That would be sooo embaressing!  
36) Finding Viagra in Snapes Potion closet. Not that I would be in there in the first place.  
37) Getting attacked by Fang while in heat.  
38) Walking into Hagrids hut to find him modeling in the mirror modeling a garter set. OH THE HORROR!  
39) Walking out of the loo with toilet paper on my shoe and not noticing it until the end of the day. That would be just bloody horrible!  
40) Walking in on snape in his office readng ' How to get a girl 101: All the tips you need to get a girl in the sack'  
41) Watching Filch do aerobics in tights....I shall not think about this for I may recieve some very umm...disgusting dreams.  
42) Going to a adult clothing store to find Mcgonnagal in a mistress body suit with a whip. Not that I have a reason to go in there...(Snickers.  
43) Finding out Snape has pierced nipples. I'm not exactly sure how I would find this out but I just hope I never do!  
44) Finding out why he got the piercing was to make him feel sexy. (Gags)  
45) Going to Florish and blotts to find Filch selling a book he wrote titled 'How to be a sexy beast like me'  
46) At my wedding finding out Ron would rather be a brides maid than my best man.  
47) Stepping in dog poop and having dumbledore pull me out of the great hall because it smells so bad.  
48) Failing an IQ test. Hey I maybe smart but all I do is read books.  
49)Finding out Harry's life dream is to get breast implants so he never has to get a girl.  
50) Walking in on Dumbledore and Snape shaving each others legs. Gross and not likely to happen but this is MY list and I'm putting it down.  
  
Sorry I can't continue I can hear Ron and Harry coming up from dinner. And I really don't want them to see this or there will be alot of explaining to do. So until next time! LOTS OF LOVE!  
  
Hermione Jane Granger  
  
An- Hey ok I Know the title says 101 but I felt I'd keep you waiting. I really want some feed back so I know if you even like it. The next chapter of course will be the last. But I am planning another story similar to this. It will have 5-7 chapters and each chapter will be based on a character and a questionarre they must fill out in there 7th year. Sound good? If it does please tell me what characters you want me to use. Of course I will use some of the main characters such as :  
Hermione Ron Harry Ginny Draco Pansy  
  
So tell me if you want more. Im think of a crabbe or goyle one to. ALSO!!!! SILVER DRAGON CREW WILL BE UP WITHIN THE NEXT WEEK! I lost my paper with it on and just recently found it. I feel sooooo bad for making you wait. But I just have to type it. It will be much easier now that fanfic except .rft or .rft ( I cant remember) because i wont go through the whole process of changing it into the .doc form. K? K!  
  
Sry for the long authors note! Love you all! Please review!  
  
Love always,  
Amber 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer - What ever you recognize I obviously don't own. Everything you do not recognize is most likely mine!

* * *

Dear Diary, Ok well im back again to finish my list. I had pure lick earlier when Ron found my book. I panicked so when he was about to open it I told him that it was my period book where I keep track off all my period dates. Well, it worked. To well. He threw it as soon as I said that, unfortuanently it happened to be at my head. So now I have bruise on my head. . . Well on to the story!

51) Finding Crabbe is infatuated with me.  
52) Finding out Goyle has a tattoo heart with my name in the middle.  
53) Finding out it's on his arse. YUCK! BLOODY HELL WHO KNEW I COULD EVEN THINK UP THIS VILE STUFF!  
54) Finding Ginny painting Snapes toenails. Well come on if he shaves his legs he most likely paints his toes too!  
55) Walking in on Ginny stuffing her bra with toilet paper saying ' Harry has to notice these puppies'  
56) Finding out im betrothed to Malfoy. . . well, that might not be so bad. . .  
57) Walking in on Ginny and Blaise 'going at it'. I mean they would make a cute couple, dont ever mention that to Ginny, but walking in on them shaggin is another story.  
58) Discovering that Sirius has a tail . . . while he's not in his dog form. I'm not even going to go there. . .  
59) Finding a porn stash 60) Finding Harry and Rons Porn stash . . . 61) Getting caught finding and reading Harry and Rons Porn stash. . .not that I would ever look at that vile stuff! Geez. . what do you take me for!  
62) Having my secret dream job be found out . . . I want to be a play boy bunny. If I actually wanted to be one. If I knew what one was. . . Nervous glances Oh Bloody hell Yes I know what a playboy bunny is and YES IVE LOOKED AT PORN! 63) Having someone find out I read porn. I mean that In a past tense read. You know like a one time thing.  
64) Having my pocket dictionary fall out of my . . . pocket. 65) Snape finding out I, accidently by the way, had a not so G-rated dream about him. Yes, Im a pervert I know! So shoot me!  
66) Finding Filch in a dance club . . . dancing shudders  
67) Some one finding out I want to do the 'bump and grind' with Malfoy

Bloody Hell, Here comes Gin, and I sure dont want her to see this! So I'll write the rest later.

Hermione Jane Granger

* * *

Ok I know this is short AND it doesn't have the rest and honestly I have no real excuse to this. I honestly can not think of anything else. So im sorry. I will try really hard during my Christmas break to finish this AND update all my other stories. On the bright side. Do you remember the idea I had for a story that all the chapters where questionarres and they were anwsered by individual students. Well. . . i got the questions im using and ive now got to fill it out! So Im going to have that up soon too! Now if you have any ideas or things that you want me to add to this story...like your own thing hermione wishes never to happen, send it to me and I will put it in the story and I will also honor you at the end of the story! Thanks everyone for the lovely reviews! 


End file.
